I'm not sure why, but I really want to talk about how jealous I am today.
I know jealousy isn't the best trait out there, but I'm really only jealous when it comes to my other half and other people telling him they love him and touching him and being overly friendly with him. It's not that I don't trust him, because I do, I don't trust them.
Even though some things are irrational and stupid to be jealous over, I'm that kind of person where I can't help it.
Why? Because he's mine and mine only. I don't own him, because he's not a thing, but his heart belongs to me and only me, and it has no space for any other girl other than me. (Well, minus his mother and sister, etc).
I'm just that kind of person.
I don't like being the jealous type because the time I waste being jealous I could use to love my baby more and learn more about his likes and dislikes and talk with him etc instead of being upset and scared and whatever else I feel when I'm jealous.
Anyways, the whole point of this is, I'm really glad I have an understanding man. Even though I get jealous over silly things, he still understands and talks me down from my anger. I feel like it's really important to have someone that can easily calm you down and that can help you rationalize. ♥
The other problem I have is I cry too much.
I've been trying to find out the reason why every time something goes wrong my first instinct is to cry. For many years now, I thought crying was a sign of weakness, and I refused to cry in front of anyone, no matter how much they hurt me or how much physical or emotional pain I was in.
I've learned that it takes a lot to cry in front of someone. To expose yourself to them in that fragile state of being and mind where you're not holding anything back and when you look horrible and snotty and disgusting and just..yeah.
For someone to still accept you and want to look at you, means they love you sincerely and dearly.
For me, when I cry, all my emotions kind of bundle up into a ball and someone's trying to bowl, and my heart is the strike. I cry because I feel useless. Because I can't comfort my loved one, because I've caused him pain and I can't hold him and tell him I'm sorry. I cry because I don't know what else to do.
It's childish and stupid, but the tears keep falling down anyways. When you feel like you can't comfort someone you love, you can't calm them down and you can't touch them, it's a feeling worse than despair.
When someone can deal with all of your bullshit and all of your crying, and still make you laugh at the end of all your tears, that person is the one. When no matter how hard you're crying and how much pain you're in, if they crack a smile and you can't help but think " How am I so lucky " and want to smile, that person has totally won you over.
Not even, more like bowled me over with a bulldozer.
What I'm saying is, if someone is willing to accept you and all your flaws, they're a keeper for life.
I don't understand why many people place such an importance on looks. I mean, yes, I'm physically attracted to my lover, and yes it plays a role in a relationship, but I once told my boyfriend how glad I was that he loves me for me and not for my physical body.
And he said that as you grow older, looks fade, and they don't matter. If you fall in love with someone because of why they are, then you'll love the outside no matter what.
And he's right. Of course if the other person was at a point where their physical fitness is impeding their health and mobility and whatnot, then a change is in order but,
I don't have an amazing body.
I have a very large behind.
I wish I could look better all the time. Honestly, every day I wake up, look at myself and ask myself, why me? Of course there are other days where I wake up and I'm like, I look amazing ♥. When someone loves you even though you aren't perfect, and when someone loves and accepts your past mistakes and your flaws, that is one person you should never let go of.
So when I read stories of girls who get scolded by their significant others about their weight, or about their flaws, or when I hear someone is breaking up with someone because their don't look amazing, It bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.
If you can't love each other on your worst days, you don't deserve to love each other on the best ones.
This is why I love my relationship. Even when I look ridiculous and horrible and I don't want to get out of bed for fear that someone is going to look at me and die, I think to myself, the only person that matters in this world will think I'm beautiful even when I don't think I am.
And his opinion is the only opinion that matters to me.
Wow, this post is really long, and it's mostly text too.. so, here are a couple of pictures
I think everyone is fully aware of my love for liz lisa.... So.. I'm having a hard time deciding on what to buy with the money my family is giving me for my birthday.
I could buy liz lisa dresses and such, or I could buy a flat screen TV for my room...
Flat Screen TV = TV in bed = In bed with honey = nap nap nap = ♥
Am I the only one loving GD's hair colour and style in the monster video? I think TOP is lacking, Daesung looks.. well, okay, Seungri looks the same in every video, and Taeyang.. just, no comment.
Isn't IU ridiculous? She's gorgeous. How in the world is she so white?? Can't I be that white? She's not even white to begin with, she's beating me at my own game here. This is totally and utterly unfair IU.. I'm not a rich korean supermodel/singer.. TTwTT
Basically sums up my life ♥ Going to go study now. This post is sooo long.. I just tend to type and talk a lot, and I write how I talk, sometimes its difficult to write fast enough and I forget what I want to say...
I love you my baby.
Thank you for being there for me no matter what.
I'll always be here for you too.
♥
